The Pain Psychologist

Yesterday was my appointment with the pain Psychologist. Having had a bad experience with the Sports Psychologist, I was wary. Very wary. Dr T was very pleasant and started by asking me if I understood her function in my treatment. When I said that I didn't she explained that she is part of the pain management team which was made up of the pain management doctor, specialist nurse, physiotherapist, occupational therapist, herself and me.


 "I am not going to try and get into your head. That is not my job. But chronic pain isn't going to go away and it can have an emotional as well as physical impact" We talked about my support system and home and work which is, unfortunately non-existent. Both Hubby and my boss tend to tell me they understand because their knee or wrist hurts. I am expected to just get on with it. That impacts on me. That I don't understand that I need to pace myself. And had I thought about not being able to continue doing the job I do, finding something else that is less tiring on my body. We covered things from employment to relaxation.


She is going to consider what we talked about then I shall be sent another appointment to be assessed by the Physiotherapist and Occupational Therapist and from there onto the pain management Foundation course. She did say that was a rather grand name for a group where we are taught ways to lessen the strain on our bodies, learning several ways to relax when the pain is too much, to pace ourselves and also to make sure our medications are providing the best level pain control for us. 


I did like the fact that I had choices here. That if I wasn't in the right place mentally to accept this course that I could do it at a later date. Or if I didn't think the approach was right for me, there were other options. I am going to give it a try. If it works for me, brilliant! If it doesn't, then at least I know I have tried it.


The only real downer was when I got home and told hubby all about it, his response was "so your appointment was just a load of B*&& S%!£. :-( . As usual, he isn't interested in it helping me. And as usual, I felt devalued as a person.

Learning, learning.

There seems to be so much information about Fibromyalgia and none of it consistent.  One book says it can be cured, another that you live with it.  That, in a way, you actually have to make friends with it.  I view it as the enemy.  It has stolen from me. My career was also my hobby and I am just hanging on by my fingertips. I can feel myself slipping.


I downloaded this free book on Practical Living with Fibromyalgia and it has been both interesting and helpful. I understand about "fibrofog" a bit better now and have also reached the realisation that the effects of fibrofog are more wide ranging than I thought. I thought it was just about finding it hard to find the right word in conversation, of being less able to remember and focus. Now I find that it can affect the ability to understand what people are saying or have written. Then this has got me wondering if I really misunderstood what a friend wrote to me or did I get it right. Either way, it has made for an uncomfortable situation. One that has affected my depression even more. :-(


Tomorrow is my appointment with the Pain Psychologist and I am getting increasingly anxious about it. A wise friend suggested I go in with an open mind that they may actually be able to help me and, if they can't, then I haven't lost anything in the trying. I think I am afraid that this person is going to try and somehow get into my head like the Sports Psychologist did. Churn up stuff that was so unrelated and leave me with no way of dealing with it. I suppose I shall have to give it a try.

I'M Lost !

A friend posted this on a forum I belong to and it made me smile.


"I'm Lost. I've Gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, PLEASE ask me to wait."


I thought this was brilliant.

I have lost myself. Who am I now?

I decided to release all my negative feelings to the Universe in the hopes that it will help me work towards acceptance. The moment I realised that the then unidentified Fibromyalgia was affecting my dancing, I started to slide down into depression. And the less I was able to dance, the more the depression deepened. I felt I had lost myself and all that made me "me".


Who am I now ? I used to be a ballet dancer. I have danced for all of my life and there is nothing in place to follow it. Whatever life's problems were, dancing was my release, my safe place. Now I am still bombarded by problems but there is nothing to stop them, no safe place to go to decompress. Dance was the TENS machine in my life. Now there is nothing.


I know I am blessed with family but even then, this Fibro butts in, I can't play with the children like I used to do. I can't even go for a walk without exhaustion coming, and pain. And talking, when you have the words swirling around in your head but can't pluck out the word you need. I feel stupid and useless. And lost.

Nerve Pain :-(

Nerve Pain. It is really getting me down. All the medication I take helps with the day to day pain fine but the nerve pain is unending. I take 20mg amitriptylene at night but my legs and feet, particularly my right side seems in a constant state of feeling it is about to get cramp. My podiatrist comments on how tight my calf muscles are yet I do exercises that stretch those muscles every day. I wake up in the morning and I am like an old lady, the way I move.


How do you learn to focus on other things when even when you are sewing or reading or teaching, the pain pushes to the front of your mind and ends up distracting you from what you are trying to concentrate on.


I know, from what I have read, that learning to alter the focus helps us cope with the pain and sensations we feel. It will help block them out.


I have my first appointment with the Pain Management Psychologist on Friday. Not actually looking forward to it having had bad experiences with the Sports Psychologist. All she did was make me feel even worse until I felt like crying the whole time. Don't want to go through this again with someone else. They delve around in your mind and stir up things that are best left and leave you with things and no way of dealing with them. I will give it a try but am so wary I think it might be an uphill job and more of a battle than I need to face.

The Diagnosis

I have been struggling for years with painful feet, burning muscles, sore joints. Then other things started to add themselves in. I dropped things unexpectedly, I fell, I  was permanently exhausted. I was sent from rheumatology to orthopaedics, to podiatry, back to rheumatology, back to orthopaedics, to podiatry, to physiotherapy, to neurology, to pain management clinic. And finally, after going through all my symptoms, Dr L announced " I am sure you have Fibromyalgia". I was handed an NHS leaflet on the subject, told I would be referred to the Pain Management Psychologist and would be sent an appointment. An that was that.


Everyone has an opinion about Fibromyalgia. I have even been told that "oh, that's the fashionable illness to have right now. Doctors just say it to fob patients off when they don't think anything other than a few aches and pains is all the person has"! Or the" oh yes, I ache a lot too, especially at my age".


I know it is not a fatal illness but the 'fibre fog' scares me. And I see my physical fitness declining rapidly. A flight up the stairs and I have to stop half way, a short walk exhausts me, the depression pulls me down into a dark place I can't seem to get out of. I am a ballet dancer who can no longer dance and I have lost who I am as a result of this.


Exercise gently, it may take a year before I get a slight improvement. But I need to exercise to do my job. Nobody can tell me how do I cope with that?


Fibromyalgia has become my enemy. It is an enemy who hides because it isn't visible to the human eye. They say " Know thy Enemy" so I I shall try to do that.